You may have seen the viral video making the rounds on the internet of the parents shaming their child for making a simple request.
It was extremely disgusting to hear the things they were saying because their daughter asked an for an iPhone 8. “No”would have sufficed but instead they chose to shame and bully her for a harmless request.
What’s even sickening is some people thought they reacted correctly, goes to show how deeply ingrained abuse is in Nigerian culture that asking your child to sell their body and calling them unprintables names is not seen as that much of a big deal.
The most insufferable people are the ones who tell you their parents beat them everyday of their childhood and left them physical and mental scars but “they turned out great” so it’s okay and they would do the same to their children. If you were physically abused and think that it’s something to do to a child in your care then you have legitimate issues.
Parenting is hard and dealing it with by hitting or screaming at your child is a very lazy way to actually do it. It is more impactful to meet the child on their level and treat them like a person with feelings instead of imposing yours all the time and being dismissive.
It is not “western” to treat your child with respect, meet their needs or explain to them why you can’t, it is common sense.
Your parents pushed you away with their attitudes because they didn’t know better and you resented them for it for a while, putting some distance between yourselves due to factors like moving out of the house or getting married made your relationship bearable and that made you think all is well, so you push all the abuse to the back of your mind and only focus on the positives, gaslighting yourself into thinking you turned out fine when you still have unresolved trauma that you will inevitably push on to your child in the name of discipline.
No one is saying you shouldn’t correct your children but there are ways to do it that isn’t borderline abusive. Permissible parenting (letting your child do whatever they want) is not the same as gentle parenting (treating them as humans with emotions and deserving of respect).
The worst is parents who treat their children with respect are accused of spoiling them because it is inconceivable to some people that they actually care about their children’s opinions and feelings, they find it very hard to grasp the concept because they grew up in a dysfunctional household and they believe the dysfunction is normal as opposed to actually making the effort to be a parent that wouldn’t raise children who eventually resent them.
The iPhone saga could’ve been easily resolved if the parents said they couldn’t afford it, instead of making their child feel like she was making an unreasonable demand and she could only get the phone if she turned to certain vices. If you’re rationalizing their reaction you’re part of the problem.
I’m not a parent but as a former child I believe I’m qualified to give my two cents on issues like this. If you’re on the side of the parents I implore you to seek therapy or read a book on parenting because your future/current children deserve better .