My Mental Health Story | Coping with 96 days of anxiety

Words were enchanting like rain on the zinc when the night unfolds. I could not think I was the one lying down at the hospital. Opening my eyes was the hardest thing to do. My lips were murmuring some words that my mind could not hear, nor my ears. The doctor came, and that was when my eyes went wide open like the window.

My mouth was left open when I saw the nurse giving him an injection, and I tried to react to let the doctor understand that what he was doing would harm me. But my hands and legs were tired on the bed together with my body. I felt some cold signals down my spine as I lay back. I was left alone; everyone was out of the ward, waiting for the result. I spent the whole day in a coma. I didn’t know who came in nor went out of the room. For the past week, this was my situation. My father was advised to take me to a psychiatrist. My condition was getting worst day by day. Dark times had appeared, where I was longing for sunlight.

One good morning, it was on a Saturday, a day I never wish to forget. I was regaining back my mental consciousness after receiving treatment for some weeks. It happens to be the happiest moment of my life and everyone around me. Happiness seems to dwell this tenant, and my face appears bright with my eyes filled with light. We left the hospital in the evening when the doctor confirmed my health status. The last words I heard the doctor say was ” look after her as much as you can”. I was thinking of those words as we drove back home. What surprised me most was that no one was willing to tell me what had happened and why I was brought to the hospital some weeks ago. Probably it’s because I seem to show concern to know what had happened. But the thirst was quenched when I was called downstairs after the morning prayer.

Things seemed alright when I arrived, but the silence that stretched between my father’s face and his mind seemed something was lurking for the ears to turn in pieces. His first question was, are you happy. I smiled and said, “yes, I am happier than yesterday”. The doctor had told me you are finding it difficult with your emotional feelings and the people around you. What is it that you are thinking the other day that took you away from us, thinking we might have lost you? I was silent, and the atmosphere was more supportive of my silence than the graveyard.
You need to look after yourself and be careful of what you think and what you do. You see, I know you can do it, my girl, stay focused and always have someone close to you to feel their presence. Don’t sit thinking the whole world cannot accommodate you, nor your heart to believe it was the end. This is the beginning, and I always think you have a lot to do. He said I could return to my room. When I got back to my room, I checked my phone to find a lot of notifications for me to read. My phone had been switched off for the last ninety-six hours. My thought went to Aisha’s message, my best friend who grew up together and lived in our neighbourhood. I remembered seeing her at the hospital, but I can’t recall precisely when was that.

My body seemed lazy. I took a shower and got prepared for my breakfast. I was planning to head out of the house when the doorbell rang. I looked at the pinhole, and it was Aisha, who I had planned to see at home. Happiness enfolds us as we walk back to our mother’s parlour. I have hated sitting down there since after her death in the last three years. We talked and talked for the whole day and enjoyed ourselves and remembering our childhood days. The world now seems to be getting clearer on my sight with friends around me and supplicating in solitude. I became stronger every day and was unlocked from the cage of my worries. Things had changed for some weeks now. I started preparing to resume School. I know I was left behind, but I can do my best to go along with my mates. This was the beginning of my story with a mental health challenge.

Something fascinating happened on our last days in School before the following day to our final exams. One of my friends I respect much in our class came up to me to break the news that the heart was left pondering the right choice to make. But keeping it to myself was the hardest thing to do. But I found a way to keep into the innermost silence, where my heart could not even hear what I thought about it.